When I had a dog, I didn’t think I was ready to be a dad. Lucy was completely insane and would often bark when it was time to sleep for no apparent reason. I remember getting so angry with her that I was bordering on getting violent, and then afterward I felt so bad and said to myself there’s no way I can have a kid yet. I was afraid I’d get too angry and beat someone.
Lately I’m realizing something: having a kid and having a dog are two separate things. Like I’ve mentioned before, I’ve experienced disciplining a child when you’d prefer not to. As much as my kids drive me to anger on nearly a daily basis when they won’t shut up, I honestly love each one of them and care for them like they would be my own children. I am super eager to threaten them with punishment, but when it comes time to actually carry it out, sometimes I almost can’t do it. On Thursday I had to stay firm and write a kid up when I didn’t want to, and his teacher said it’s good I did.
Also I see kids I wish I could adopt. There’s one absolutely precious girl in my first grade class, and I am completely serious when I say if I found out she was an orphan, I’d be making some phone calls to find out if adoption is a possibility. Turns out she has both parents at home. Twice so far I’ve come across students with visible castigations that make my blood boil. I actually saw it on one of my kids, and the other one just told me that the day before she had been punished and had marks. I remember being punished pretty severely at times, and I might have even had a bruise or two, but seeing it in my little darlings here throws my guardian instincts into a panic. I love them so much and never want them to hurt.
I feel that way with so many of my kids. I want them to succeed. I want them to feel safe. I want them to feel loved and have a positive self-image. Many of my students I know already have good homes and have everything I’d want to give them. But the ones who I’m not so sure about…they’re the ones who I want to take home with me. There are kids in each class that make me ponder, “I hope I have a kid like that some day.” Maybe I will…maybe I will.
-j
I'm Jason, and I like to write.
This is BEAUTIFUL! Thanks for sharing! It makes me want to have your “job” back, again!
I’m falling in love, too. I can’t remember all their names yet, but I think I’ve already got some favorites, and the ones that aren’t so favorite are still stealing my heart! Watching you in action makes me believe that you WOULD be a good dad … but maybe not to that many kids at one time.
Aww! That’s so sweet! Jason, I have to say, your the right person for the job. The kids there are blessed to have you.