I am going to bring you down a bit. Come with me into my wallowing. It’ll be over soon, but I’m going to be emo and post about my depression while I have it.

Songs like “Blue Christmas” and “Please Come Home For Christmas” have new meaning for me this year. These songs have become my anthem. Former favorites like “Sleigh Ride” are just empty words. There are parts of the world where Christmas is not white and parts where people are not thinking about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.

My Christmas is blue because I can’t spend it with the love of my life. I can’t enjoy with her the warmth of the house, the pretty lights outside, the truffles that TJ is making right now, and hot cups of Starbucks Egg Nog Latte. Half of my life is gone for now.

I’ve been driving around town today, but it feels totally empty. I know the roads, but it’s all foreign to me at the same time. I don’t feel like it’s home yet. And when people say “Welcome home” to me, I feel like saying “My home is 9,000 miles away…” I’m not happy to be home. I’m not mad about it, but happiness isn’t coursing through my veins.

I’m sure once I’m used to being tin the States I will feel like I’m back home. But I know I won’t be completely happy all year. Hopefully I won’t be a downer for all of it.

-j

It’s weird to think about this being over. I feel like I just got to Paraguay, and now I’m sitting in Peru waiting for a delayed flight (that might delay my arrival in the US), and it’s all behind me. Obviously I’m not done with Paraguay, but it’s crazy to think it’s been 14 months and some change since I got there. It’s as intertwined in my life as Richmond is now. And it’s probably going to stay that way.

I don’t like goodbyes. Partly because I don’t like saying the same thing over and over again, and partly because I don’t usually know what to say. I didn’t “officially” say goodbye to many people on Saturday night. A few key players (pastors, really close friends, my in-laws) and I was done. As I walked from church for the last time on my trip, I couldn’t help but imagine some of that sitcom music for tender moments.

It’s not really goodbye. It’s “see you later.” I will see them later, if the Lord tarries. My esposa is there. Leaving her yesterday was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. If I felt I could have managed it, I would have stayed with her until Gustavo came to take me to the airport. I hope this year flies by.

Well, I just say the pilots show up, so I’m gonna head out for now. See you later.

-j

Last night at Colegio Privado Adonai we had the first graduation from 12th grade. I have been excited for that moment since I realized it would be. Some of the kids even have been at CPA for as long as 7th grade, a year after the school opened. There are also 6th graders who have been there since the beginning of the school, so in 6 more years there will be another awesome graduation.

It was a really nice time. Nine kids finished their high school career, and the whole time they were reminding me of my graduation over 12 years ago (what?!). They started by passing the National and Collegial flags to the best students in 11th grade, and already people started crying. There were awards given to the best students in each grade of middle and high school, and then then night focused on the seniors.

The one thing I liked the most was that each one was given a Bible and presented with a “Gift Verse” to bless their future with. Later, each one took turns dedicating a white rose to the people who to them represented their achievement. The tassel turning was a bit different; they received their symbolic diploma, and the last person to congratulate them (Oscar, the General Director of the school) flipped it from one side to the other. The evening culminated with some surprise photo montages and video dedications by each of their parents. It was a long night, but it was a good night.

I was working sound, so I didn’t get any pictures. Vivi took one of me though, doing my job.

Let’s come back in 6 years when they celebrate their first students to go all the way through!

-j

It’s been around 3 months, and when I actually take a sec to think about it, I still can’t believe it’s real.

When I came to Paraguay, I had one goal: minister to kids through teaching them English. At the same time, God was busy setting me up. Just like he’d been setting me up since high school to get me here, once He got me here, He began setting me up for this next step in my life. I wasn’t in the country 10 minutes before conversation led to Oscar saying to me “it’s better to find your wife than to look for her.” Many, many, *many* people told me I would find my wife in Paraguay. I laughed it off and said “whatever, that’s not why I’m going.” It still isn’t why I came.

Sometimes crazy things happen. I’ve vaguely referenced this before, but God has been writing a beautiful story of love in my life that reached a new chapter this year. I had heard about this “really cute” girl named Kathy (KAHtee) since I got here, and finally in December I figured out who she was. By February I was quite interested in her, and by June I was ready to let her know. Behind the scenes of my own little musical, God had been working in her life to lead her towards me. We’ve been together for a while, and God has continued to answer prayers, both hers and mine. Some of them she tells me surprise and humble me, and I can sincerely say that God is *so* good.

What’s amazing about how He worked with us is that He told us the same thing using two different scriptures several months apart and without much interaction between Kathy and I. After she told me how the Lord answered her prayers for direction, I realized that I had mentioned to God that it would be really cool if He used the same story to answer her. He did me one better. In April he told me what was going to happen using scripture more from the male perspective, and in August He told Kathy what was going to happen using scripture from the female perspective. Both scriptures complementarily write the story of the beginning of our life together.

Please continue to pray for us as we have a LOT to figure out and not a whole lot of time in which to do the figuring. There are various documents, forms, and sets of paperwork that will need to get done by the time we get married, and I want to help her get as much done as possible while I’m still here. It’ll all turn out fine; God has been immensely faithful. Of course He has….I guess what I mean to say is that He has immensely surprised me with the goodness and abundance of His faithfulness.

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

-j